i will take care of you when you grow old.

"is this all worth it, im not defenseless just scared of consequences and if i react the wrong way, would you take whats left of me, i could keep on or forfeight letting the walls that block your heart win but ive never been one to put myself in situations like this and since it came to this, been to hell and back unfortunate this is...something ill have to deal with on my own, increasing highway mileage we'll get the hell out of this town we dont care where we're going, as long as we're going, get far away from this sad excuse for a home i cant ignore the sound of a lost cause thats eating away at all of my insides."

i dont know what to do anymore, i tried to occupy my thoughts but it just brought back good memories of me and him and now i cant stop crying. why is love cruel.

i can't breath when he looks at me.

huge downward spiral lastnight. everything was horrible, but after we said goodnight the first time things got different, in a good way and we ended up staying up till eight am. i don't get how me and him can go from being like "fuck you, i hate you" to "i love you, sex plz". confusing.

okay so just one think from last night, him saying 'actions speak louder that words' over and over again. keep in mind everyting got way worse and he said that after midnight.

so i look at my horoscope today and it says;
Your moods are less stable today and can stir up insecurities or uncertainties if you let them. Although your feelings are based upon real experiences, they don't necessarily tell the whole story. Let your emotions flow without trying to analyze them for now. They have much to teach you that are beyond the limitations of words.

those last couple lines really stood out to me. im trying to make sense of it.

and my tarrot card for today said;
What is traditionally known as the Temperance card is a reference to the Soul. Classically female, she is mixing up a blend of subtle energies for the evolution of the personality. One key to interpreting this card can be found in its title, a play on the process of tempering metals in a forge. Metals must undergo extremes of temperature, folding and pounding, but the end product is infinitely superior to impure ore mined from the earth. In this image, the soul volunteers the ego for a cleansing and healing experience which may turn the personality inside-out, but which brings out the gold hidden within the heart.

...

i like the me i am with you.

" well if i wanted to be with a girl who had a boyfriend, and i could talk her into having sex with me then i wouldn't have a problem. because if i can talk her into having sex with me, then i can talk her into dating me"

eight months of attempting talking him into dating me.

one year next wek of being single.

i ran to the one boy i love for advice on me and him.

i feel like theres a block on my brain now.

you think too much.

"ANN ARBOR, Mich. —Most women think too much and overthinking leads to depression, an inability to move forward and wrecked emotional health,"

"Overthinking—endless torrents of negative thoughts and emotions often triggered by something as fleeting as a sarcastic remark from a friend, relative or co-worker."

the only words i can recall megan saying one night- "thats why i like morgan, her mind is always running. she's always thinking about something"

i wish this was a good thing.

i over analyze everything that is said to me, i think about the consequences of every little thing. im starting to think its a problem.

http://www.umich.edu/news/Releases/2003/Feb03/r020403c.html