you have learned nothing.

one week of everything being perfect.

so close to my dreams.

a dream that is too elusive.

maybe things will always stay the same.

i don;t get how you can tell a girl she is the girl for you thast you want to be with "forever and always" but then you cheat on her? i really just dont understand the point of that.

and how do you expect me to stop lying when you cant stop.

ultimately its up to you.

I'm missing your laugh. How did it break? And when did your eyes begin to look fake? I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

in jersey till sunday @ midnight.

monday is going to be amazing! video games, sushi, & movies :)

i am going to miss you.

everything has been extremely intense lately.

but the only thing that truley matters is that i got to hangout with him 2 nights :)

things are ging to be different this time around, i promise.

My dearest, I've missed you very very much since that last night we were together. And will hold that night especially in my memories for years to come. I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately. I've read you're letter through at least 4 times. And will probably read it more times before I'm through. I've been sitting here, Looking at you're picture and getting more home sick every minute. I've wanted that picture more than anything else I know of, Except of course you, you're self. I keep thinking of you darling. I keep wishing I could be home with you. I want to leave in the worst possible way so I could come home to see you But: Things don't look to good on that subject. This war has spoiled a lot of things for everyone I guess. I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now. I'm completely lost without you darling. I never realized I could miss anyone person so much. I just hope it won't be too much longer till I'm able to be with you again. And live a sane and normal life.

i want to leave this place for good.

too much today.

waaay too much.

i want to get out of this place, but not for good.


why is it that parents never let you have time to yourself, away from where you are.


i just want to get away and not have to deal with any of this. hopefully everything will be better with myself and my friends when i get back.



seeing him today made me breakdown, i can't believe we are like this now. i need to figure out how to change this.





most importantly i need to find who i am again.

i hate waiting.

8 months.
4 days.

last night ruined everything. its so hard to be content with this, and for once i was. until... i heard his voice.

how i feel:

"How can I just let you walk away. Just let you leave without a trace. When I stand here taking every breath with you (ooh..) You're the only one who really knew me at all. How can you just walk away from meWhen all I can do is watch you leave? 'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain. And even shared the tearsYou're the only one who really knew me at all. So take a look at me now. There's just an empty space. There's nothing left here to remind me. Just the memory of your face. But take a look at me now. There's just an empty space. And you coming back to me is against the odds. And that's what I've gotta faceI wish I could just make you turn around, Turn around and see me cry. There's so much I need to say to youSo many reasons why. You're the only one who really knew me at all. So take a look at me nowThere's just an empty space. And there's nothing left here to remind meJust the memory of your faceBut take a look at me now. There's just an empty space. But to wait for you is all I can do. And that's what I've gotta face. Take a look at me now. I'll just be standing here. And you coming back to me. Is against the odds. And that's a chance I've gotta face."

i hope you miss me too.

so his girlfriend found out that me and him had sex, now we cant talk till friday.

finally happy.

finally happy.

finally happy.

finally happy.

finally happy.

i hope you're as happy as you're pretending.

i can't do this shit anymore...

one year of being single.

eight months of waiting.

one week till i can hear his voice.

i lost the only thing that made sense to me.

i don't know what to make of any of this.